The Knighting Ceremony
by Athelassa
Summary: On the day of Anakin’s Knighting Ceremony, ObiWan suddenly feels that everything might turn out wrong. His doubts are reinforced by hints of the Force. But is it too late to turn back?
1. Chapter 1

**The Knighting Ceremony**

by Athelas

Summary: On the day of Anakin's Knighting Ceremony, Obi-Wan suddenly feels that everything might turn out wrong. His doubts are reinforced by hints of the Force. But is it too late to turn back?  
This story will be mainly about Obi-Wan, because he is just the most interesting character in Star Wars. For me, anyway… :-)

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Drama/Angst

Disclaimer: They belong to George. Not me. Unfortunately.

Status: Completely written. One chapter posted, three more to go

A/N; Well, first, I am a non-native English speaker and therefore you will certainly find some mistakes in my stories. I hope they are not too prominent but at the moment, I am my own beta-reader…  
Second, I needed this story to be written because I just could not accept that Obi-Wan never had any doubts or warnings about Anakin's future. And I thought that there are not enough stories about this particular Knighting Ceremony.  
Third, I normally write in the Lord of the Rings genre but at the moment I am not getting very far there. sigh So if anyone of my former LotR-FF readers read this writing I hope they do not get too angry with me.

  
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For most of the Masters, Knights, Padawans and Initiates of the Jedi Temple it was a day like any other. The artificial lights slowly grew brighter and everywhere in the gigantic building people awoke and got up, some more reluctantly than others. Daily life took its usual course.

Not so for Anakin Skywalker. And certainly not so for Obi-Wan Kenobi. The long expected day of the Knighting Ceremony had arrived. Anakin had only just successfully returned from the trials the day before and ere the day would set again on Coruscant he would be an official, full member of the Jedi Order. It was expected to be a special and joyous day for the Knight-to-be but often the harder part lay with the Master.

"."."."."."."

_Heat. Dust. Lava. Burns. Debris. 'I hate you!'_

Obi-Wan woke with a start, sweat trailing down his face. Breathing hard, he pushed back the sleeves of his nightshirt to reassure himself that he had dreamed the blistering burns upon his arms. It had been so real, he could still feel the pain. And the desperation, although he knew it had not been his own.

He shook his head a few times and tried to get the pictures of his dream out of his head, but they remained stuck in his mind. Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes, hard, but his pulse and his breathing were still at high speed. He was afraid of this dream, of the feelings and the possible meaning of it, so much that it came close to panic.

'_It is only a dream,' _he told himself, again and again._ 'It was only a dream…'_

But it had been too real. Could it be a warning? A vision? Or simply a possibility of the future? And there was another question that needed an answer: Why now?

Anakin's Knighting Ceremony. Today.

Oddly enough, this realisation helped him to calm down, to think of other things. He would not think of this… dream again. Not today.

He slowly closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. The fear did not leave him, but it retreated to the back of his mind. Good. Were there no typical feelings, a Jedi Master should feel in the morning of his Padawan's Knighting Ceremony?

_Pride?_

Even though he had only meant to keep his mind off the memories of the night, it became an honest question to consider. Had he ever felt proud when it came to his teaching methods or to his Padawan?

Of course he felt proud about what his apprentice had managed to accomplish, Anakin had been an apt and eager student, always trying to help others. When Obi-Wan thought back to the small boy they had picked up on Tatooine he felt warm pride surge through him. But there was no pride in his teachings. Too many things had gone wrong, there had been too many mistakes in Anakin's trainings. All of them had been his own faults, so the pride in his apprentice had a bitter side effect.

_What a Knight would have Anakin turned out to be if Qui-Gon had trained him?_

This question always lingered in the back of Obi-Wan's head, for years now. Without doubt, he felt admiration and sometimes awe towards his student. Anakin had grown, in many different ways. Grown into an excellent swordsman, grown into an apt field commander, grown into a responsible and intelligent human being and most certainly he had grown into a tall young man.

A first, tentative smile found its way on Obi-Wans lips and chased the lingering uneasiness of the dream even more in the background. Yes, Anakin had long ago surpassed his Master's height. It was somehow bound to his fate always to work with people that were so much taller than himself, even if Obi-Wan was not of small built. Qui-Gon, Mace Windu and now Anakin. It had been acceptable to be lectured by a tall Master, but it looked utterly ridiculous to try and lecture a _Padawan _who stood a head taller than himself.

Grinning now, Obi-Wan shook his head. It was his sheer luck that Master Yoda still lived. There was at least one person he could look down on.

His spirits a bit lifted, the Jedi Master heaved himself out of bed. He hit the panel at the wall and the door to the common room of their shared Master-Padawan apartment swished open. The smile of happy memories disappeared immediately as he saw the neatly packed boxes of Anakin's belongings beside the couch. For once the common room looked tidy, without his apprentice's mechanic tools, holo-vids and clothes spread all over the place. It was a strange sight. Obi-Wan had fought for ages with his Padawan to at least keep the common room tidy – in vain of course – and now that Anakin's stuff was packed away the room looked oddly empty and… dead.

Like a hammer fall came the sudden realisation: He would live alone from now on. Obi-Wan could not remember to have ever lived alone. First, he had stayed in the Crèche and later in the Initiate's wing. In both places, there had lived a lot of age mates with him. Then he had shared an apartment with Qui-Gon and now with Anakin.

_Relief?_

Obi-Wan should have felt relieved to finally be on his own but no such feelings filled his heart. In the beginning of his Master-Padawan relationship with Anakin he had often longed for more freedom and privacy. All the other newly minted Knights experienced a time of fewer restrictions and more personal free time while he had been occupied with Anakin's apprenticeship. But now, Obi-Wan could not bring himself to feel relief.

The Jedi Master halted his steps in front of Anakin's closed door and listened intently. He could hear the soft snoring of his Padawan through the door and he felt a small smile tug at his lips. Not long now and his peacefully sleeping Anakin would wake up and cease to be his apprentice.

_Sadness?_

Even sadness would not truly reach his heart. His head told him too many times that this was the usual course of a Jedi and he was a human being led by his head and not by his heart. He could not let the sadness fill his mind, he would only spoil Anakin's big day.

Silently stepping away from the door, Obi-Wan made his way to the refresher. He shed his clothes and looked into the mirror. His long ginger hair had long ago grown past his shoulders and some wayward strands fell into his view. He moved one hand through his mane and decided to cut his hair. Anakin had always complained that his hair was too long and badly in need of a cut but Obi-Wan had never listened to his apprentice. He had liked them long. Not so anymore. He realised only now that he looked a lot like Qui-Gon with his hair this long. Had he unconsciously tried to imitate his late Master?

_Doubt?_

Yes, certainly. Doubt had been his ever-present companion throughout so many years that he had a hard time to even detect the feeling in himself. Doubt seemed to be anchored in his being, almost as if it was a character trait. With self-loathing he remembered the time in which he had been called "Oafy-Wan". Or the day when he had been trapped behind the energy fields and watched Qui-Gon die. Whatever he had done, it always seemed to be the wrong thing.

Even in his time as Qui-Gon's apprentice he had felt doubt, most often directed against himself, but sometimes also against his Master. Being resolved to take a slave boy as his new Padawan and to discharge of his current apprentice, for example, had evoked some feelings of doubt directed against Qui-Gon…

Obi-Wan shook his head to get rid of the unwanted and cynical thoughts. He looked away from his reflection with a tiny bit of disgust.

But still, the nagging feeling of doubt that he had made some grave mistakes in Anakin's education still lingered. Sometimes, his Padawan seemed not yet ready to face the world on his own and sometimes Obi-Wan wished for more time to prepare him.

The Jedi-Master pulled himself away from the sink and stepped into the shower cabin. Warm water run over his head and in his eyes and he closed them gladly. There is no emotion… there is peace… Before the carousel of his thoughts could start again, Obi-Wan quickly set the water on very cold. He hissed as the icy water hit him but it helped.

After a while, Obi-Wan stepped out of the shower and as he dried himself he heard the clattering of dishes from the kitchen. Dressing quickly the Jedi Master joined his Padawan in the kitchen.

Anakin smiled when Obi-Wan entered.

"Good morning, Master."

Obi-Wan smiled back.

"Good morning to you, too, my young Padawan."

"Savour the sound of these words a few more times, Master, you won't get to use them very often anymore."

Even though Obi-Wan felt the nervousness and the slight uncertainty behind the light banter, he grinned even broader.

"Of course I will savour the words, my very young apprentice. As it seems you will be my first and last student. I wouldn't risk to have another impudent Padawan like you and to be appointed to the nerve-wracking and perilous task of guiding him through puberty. No, thank you."

A look of feigned indignity crossed Anakin's face and he snorted huffily.

"I don't believe it! My dearly respected Master is making fun of me on the very day of my Knighting Ceremony. Any other Master would have uttered words of pride and support."

Obi-Wan still smiled. He felt the earlier reeling feelings of emptiness and uncertainty retreat to the back of his mind and he was just glad to be in Anakin's company.

"But all the other Masters are much older and more boring than I am. They would have lost their patience a long way back."

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_Well, that was the first chapter. A bit short, I know, but the others will be longer. The next chapter will be about the Knighting Ceremony itself… I hope you will read that one as well!_

_Criticism is always appreciated, I would love to hear what you think._


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello there!_

_Thank you for the reviews, I enjoyed it very much to read them! Here comes the second chapter, the actual Knighting Ceremony. I made up the dialogues and the procedure, I am not sure if George Lucas or anyone else gave descriptions of the Knighting Ceremony so I made everything up. I hope it is believable… _

_Princess-Aiel:_ _Hehe, it is funny to hear that you think the story could have been a one-post. Because, originally, I wanted to post only this very short chapter. However, I myself got interested in seeing where this story could be going to.  
Well, so there are four chapters now... :-) I hope you aren't too disappointed. :-)_

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Chapter Two 

The Council Chamber was silent and the atmosphere as serene as ever, as the door swished open and Obi-Wan entered. Two steps behind him and one to right walked his apprentice. It dawned on Obi-Wan that it was the last time they would enter the Council Chamber this way. In future, they would step inside beside each other, as equals. Obi-Wan liked the thought of it.

"Assembled the Council is, because of Anakin Skywalker. Raised from the rank of a Padawan to the rank of a Knight he will be," Master Yoda spoke softly when the Master and the Padawan came to a halt in the middle of the room.

Obi-Wan felt nervousness flutter from Anakin along their shared bond. First, he wanted to reach out with the Force and calm his apprentice but the realisation of where they were and what they were about to do made him stop. Anakin did not need his help anymore, he was going to be on his own from now on. He did not need an overprotective teacher to fuss over him at his Knighting Ceremony.

With a mental sigh, Obi-Wan tamped down on his end of the bond so that he would only feel a reduced amount of Anakin's anxiety. This earned him a slightly confused gaze from the corner of his Padawan's eyes.

"Please take two steps forward, Padawan Skywalker," Mace Windu said solemnly. Doing as he was bidden, Anakin came to a halt beside his Master. The two gazed at each other shortly as if they saw each other for the very first time.

The traditional ritual of the Ceremony began when Mace Windu spoke again.

"You learned, in the way of the Jedi and the guidance of this Order, to release your fears and anxieties to the Force. You learned to gain harmony and a calm mind through meditation and connection to the Force."

"There is no emotion. There is peace," Anakin answered traditionally the all too familiar words. But there was a slight waver in his voice that made Obi-Wan cringe. He could sense the effort it took his Padawan to keep the quiver out of his voice and Obi-Wan wondered if the other Masters noticed as well. Out of nowhere there sprang a slight pounding between his temples and the Force seemed to swirl in the Council chamber.

However, Master Windu continued with the ritual.

"You learned, in the way of the Jedi and the guidance of this Order, the basis of the solution to every problem, be it political, religious or of private matter. This basis is the beginning of a wisdom that has been taught throughout many generations. You learned, be it in classes or by the experience of missions, how to apply what you have learned."

"There is no ignorance. There is knowledge," Anakin answered again and this time the words came out more sincerely. Obi-Wan was surprised to find himself holding his breath while awaiting Anakin's answer. The atmosphere in the room seemed to be more relaxed than before.

"You learned, in the way of the Jedi and the guidance of this Order, to keep your feelings under control and not to be guided by them. You learned to make decisions with the help of the Force and with your mind, not under the influence of unstable emotions."

There was a short silence and this time everyone in the room seemed to be holding his or her breath.

"There… is no passion. There is serenity," Anakin answered hoarsely. For once, Obi-Wan wished that his Padawan were a better liar. Every single Master in this room knew of Anakin's tendency to be guided by emotions and his struggle for serenity. The Force swirled all the more and the slight pounding behind Obi-Wan's forehead grew to a fullblown headache. He tried not to grimace with the pain and wished this ritual to be over already.

"You learned," Mace Windu continued, his voice sterner than before, "in the way of the Jedi and the guidance of this Order, to trust the Force, to let the Force guide you and to let the Force fill you. At the end of your life, when your soul leaves the body, it will join the Force and become one with it."

"There is no death. There is the Force," Anakin answered softly and bowed slightly.

As the last part of the Padawan's traditional response to the statements ceased to echo in the chamber, a great energy began to spring from one Master to the other until all of them were connected to each other.

Obi-Wan, already feeling uncomfortable, felt the tension mount and the Force blinded him for a short moment. The Council members and the chamber faded out of his vision. The bundled strength changed into a cloud, a cloud of dust and debris and his surroundings darkened abruptly. Yellow and orange spots danced in front of his eyes and he felt an immense heat on his skin. Tiny burns formed on his arms and he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from crying out in pain. Suddenly there were tears streaming down his face and he felt out of nowhere a great despair in his heart…

"…Master Kenobi?"

Obi-Wan jerked back brusquely and blinked. The dust, debris and the burns disappeared and only a single tear found its way down his cheek and into his beard.

"Pardon?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice slightly raspy.

Yoda looked at him and it seemed as if the ancient Master looked straight into his soul. There was a compassionate but knowing hint in his eyes and Obi-Wan felt all of a sudden uncomfortable under the intense gaze.

"I asked if you are ready to sever the Master-Padawan bond and to cut _Knight _Skywalker's Padawan braid," Mace Windu cut in rather sternly.

Even before Master Windu had finished speaking, Obi-Wan suddenly realised that he had missed out the pronouncement of Anakin's knightship. He felt ashamed and oddly disturbed by the flash-like vision he had experienced. It was like a short repetition to the dream he had experienced in the night. Still he managed to nod and say, "Yes, I am ready to sever the Master-Padawan bond and to cut Knight Skywalker's Padawan braid."

Anakin eyed his Master curiously and Obi-Wan realised that his Padawan had tried to catch his gaze for quite a long time. He must have stared into nothingness longer than he had thought. Obi-Wan forced a smile on his lips and tried to send pride and reassurance through their still-existing bond. But it was impossible to conjure up such feelings at the moment and he failed miserably. Whenever he blinked, glints of fire seemed to stick to his eyelids and he could still feel the pain of burns on his arms. He could not tell why he felt this way but all of a sudden he knew with all clarity that it was the wrong thing to don knightship upon Anakin. Perhaps it was only too early. But it felt all the way wrong.

However, it was the most ill-fitting time to realise such a thing.

Obi-Wan was abruptly aware of the fact that everyone else in the chamber had gone silent and that the council looked at him expectantly. Sweat began to gather on his forehead and he felt too hot. He flicked his gaze to Anakin who had pressed his lips to a thin line, a clear sign of impatience or displeasure. Understandable. After all, it was his big day and his Master was on the way to ruin it all.

"Unwell you are, Master Kenobi. Postpone this ceremony, we should?"

Bless Master Yoda! This was the chance Obi-Wan had hoped for. All he needed was a quiet place to sort out his feelings and the hints of the Force. Obi-Wan already wanted to answer it with the positive when his gaze met Anakin's. Disappointment was written all over his youthful face along with disbelief and a trace of anger.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes and looked away. He just could not go back now. Anakin had worked hard all those years and he had truly earned this title. This young man had nothing to go back to, no home, no parents, no other family than the Jedi Order. He had laboured, studied and bled for this goal and now, only a tiny step in front of its achievement, his Master wanted to snatch it out of his reach again. Seemingly without a reason, on top of it all. This new disagreement would shatter their tender relationship, there would probably be no second try because he would lose the trust Anakin had in him.

There was also a promise to be kept. A promise Obi-Wan honoured above everything else.

'_Master, why did you have to leave me this early and with such a heavy task to fulfil?'_

But there was no answer from Qui-Gon or the Force. Typical, there were always hints and warnings but never clear answers. The answers he had to seek for himself. And reaching this point, he had already decided.

Obi-Wan looked with new determination at Master Yoda.

"I thank you for your concern, Master Yoda, but it is only a minor head ache that afflicts me. We can proceed with the ceremony."

The look of relief and joy on Anakin's face was not enough to make the Jedi Master forget that he had decided against his feelings and the hints of the Force. The memories of his dream came back to him and he shuddered involuntarily.

Most of the Council members nodded their approval, only Yoda and Adi Gallia, another long-term member, stayed suspicious. Nevertheless, Obi-Wan and Anakin turned to each other and Anakin bent one leg to kneel in front of his Master. Obi-Wan then laid his hands on his Padawan's head and closed his eyes. Their connection intensified immediately through their physical touch. Reaching deeply into himself, Obi-Wan willed himself to focus on the task at hand. His anxieties, mixed with those of his Padawan, made it difficult to concentrate. He, as the stronger part of their Master-Padawan team, should have been the one to calm and reassure the apprentice.

Obi-Wan felt Anakin tear at their bond to sever it and he physically flinched under the sharp pain it inflicted on his mind and body. He had always known that the removal of the bond was often followed by discomfort, mostly on the Master's part, but he had never thought that he would feel actual pain. The disruption of his bond with Qui-Gon had been highly painful, but it had been a rather unusual removal of a training bond.

Feeling that he needed to help Anakin with the elimination, Obi-Wan reached out to the Force to dampen the pain a bit and to disrupt their bond. Obi-Wan did not tear at their bond as Anakin did but tried to disentangle it, to loosen the single threads one by one. When it got hard to tell where his part ended and Anakin's began he severed the bond closer to himself so it would hurt himself rather than his apprentice. At the same time, he tried to give as much of himself to Anakin. He was not sure if his Padawan noticed at all. His student was so eager to have to bond severed he hardly paid attention to anything else than his tearing.

The procedure was a long and arduous one. Eventually, Anakin cut the last bit of their shared bond with one final blow, tainted with a bit of impatience. Obi-Wan felt the painful tear and the sudden backlash of his end of the bond. He staggered back two steps as if someone had hit him and he saw Anakin flinch, too. Then he was alone. He still felt a kind of connection to his former student, but it was only a tiny thread. It was the sort of bond he had to distant acquaintances. They would need to build up on this connection from now on, to strengthen it. Normally it did not take too long for former Master-Padawan teams to re-establish such a bond because the knowledge of the other person and the shared experiences were still there.

Nevertheless, Obi-Wan felt suddenly alone. The presence he had gotten used to over so many years was absent. The Jedi Master looked at his former student as if to make sure he was still standing in front of him. He saw the same apprehensive confusion in his gaze. But there was also a tentative smile on Anakin's lips.

The sudden pounding of an enormous head ache drowned out everything else of Obi-Wan's world. He felt weak, dizzy and sick at the same time and without a warning, the chamber began to spin out of focus. Blindly, Obi-Wan stretched out a hand to hold on to something and felt a bone deep weariness creep into his body and mind. Suddenly there were hands holding him up and without a doubt he knew that it was Anakin. The shared bond might be severed but he still recognised the strong familiar grip of his former apprentice's hands. Out of nowhere appeared a chair and Obi-Wan was pressed onto it. Taking a deep breath to stave off the nausea that threatened to overwhelm him, Obi-Wan buried his head in his hands. He tenderly massaged his temples and hoped that the splitting head ache would soon back off so he would be able to think clearly again.

"Master, are you alright?" Anakin's concerned voice cut into Obi-Wan's small world of breathing, pain and trying not to vomit. The volume of the question spiked the pain immediately up again. Biting on his lips to prevent any sound from escaping his mouth, Obi-Wan buried his head deeper into his palms.

"Quiet you should be, Knight Skywalker. A bit rusty and ailing your old Master seems to be. Not everyone in this room as young and energetic as the both of us is."

Soothing waves of the Force radiated from Master Yoda and eased a bit of the worst pain while the gentle teasing brought a smile on Anakin's lips.

"Not grin you should, Skywalker. Your fault this is, mistreated you have your Master," said the ancient Master in a stern voice. Anakin immediately wiped the smile off his face but Obi-Wan, who knew Yoda for much a longer time, knew that the other Master was still teasing. Obi-Wan gingerly lifted his head and shot both his former student and Master Yoda a shaky smile.

"Feeling better, are you?" the ancient Master asked and only now Obi-Wan noticed, that most of the council was assembled behind Yoda. Only Plo Koon and Depa Billaba had stayed in their seats, looking as stern as ever.

"Yes," Obi-Wan answered softly. "I do not know what came over me but it has passed. Mostly," he added as he felt Yoda's doubting stare rest on him.

Obi-Wan felt bad about telling half-lies in the Council chamber but he only wanted to get over with the ceremony and to bury himself somewhere quiet, dark and cool. A cemetery seemed like a good idea at the moment. The pounding in his head was still present and sent him into agony with every small movement he made.

"It is not unusual to feel faint during the removal of the Master-Padawan bond," Master Windu cut in usefully. "However, if it gets worse you should visit the healers."

Obi-Wan nodded gingerly but he felt heat rising in his cheeks. It was embarrassing enough to almost pass out in the Council chamber without Mace Windu trying to be helpful.

"Shall we proceed?" Plo Koon asked with a tiny bit of annoyance in his voice.

"Yes, we may proceed," Obi-Wan answered wearily.

Ki-Adi-Mundi, the wise Jedi Master with two brains and two hearts, stepped up to Obi-Wan, who was still sitting, and gave him the ceremonial dagger to cut the Padawan braid.

Obi-Wan took the knife in his hands. It was the very blade Master Yoda had used nearly twelve years before to cut his Padawan braid. The circumstances had been entirely different, the atmosphere sad and depressing, instead of solemn and joyful. Obi-Wan remembered how hard it had been to hold back the sobs that had threatened to overcome him. He had been very grateful it had only been Yoda present and not the whole council. The few wayward tears that had traitorously escaped the corners of his eyes had elicited a compassionate smile from the ancient Master and a pat on his back. Had the whole Council been assembled he would have certainly received a few scornful glances for his emotions.

Obi-Wan heaved a heavy sigh and lifted his gaze to Anakin. His apprentice still looked concerned and the Jedi Master sent him a reassuring smile. Obi-Wan stood, a bit wobbly, and stepped up to Anakin's side. He reached for the still attached braid with one hand and run his thumb over it. The Padawan braid felt smooth and lively under his fingers, while the blade was cold under his touch.

'_Make it quick,' _a small voice told him and Obi-Wan obeyed. One swift cut and the braid laid outstretched on his palm. Like a dead animal. Obi-Wan felt sickened by its sight.

"The Council congratulates you to your title, Knight Skywalker," Mace Windu concluded with a smile and the air seemed to loosen up immediately.

"Where will be the party, Skywalker?" Adi Gallia asked with a grin.

Obi-Wan did not wait for the answer. He slid the dagger back in its sheath with one quick motion and returned it to Ki-Adi-Mundi, before he turned to Anakin.

"Congratulations, Anakin. I'm very proud."

With this words, he strode out of the Council chamber.

_- tbc -_

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_Two chapter posted, two more to go! I would still like to hear what you think..._


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for all the kind reviews! They were very encouraging._

_Well, here comes the second to last chapter, the climax of this story. _

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An iron grip seemed to take a hold of his stomach and abruptly squeeze it with full force. Groaning, Obi-Wan leaned over the toilet bowl and retched. Again. All that he had eaten for months – or so it seemed – was long purged and his stomach was empty. But still, the painfully dry heaves continued and his abdomen was knotted so tightly together it hurt fiercely. Tears and cold sweat streamed down his face with every heave and he panted for breath.

Finally, the nausea ebbed away a bit and Obi-Wan leaned away from the bowl so that his back touched the cold wall. Exhausted, he wiped his forehead and face with the sleeve of his cloak.

Suddenly there were steps outside and Obi-Wan pressed himself further against the grey wall. If there were one thing that would make his situation even more miserable, it would be to be found like this by another Jedi. He did not give the perfect image of a Jedi Master at the moment, half hanging over the toilet bowl, white as a sheet and reeking of vomit. Once again he wished he had made it back to his quarters before nausea and dizziness had overtook him.

The steps drew closer, rather hesitantly, and stopped in front of his cabin.

Obi-Wan slowed down his breathing and tried to make himself completely invisible with the help of the Force but nothing worked as it should have on this day. The door slowly swung open and the Jedi Master cursed himself to have forgotten to lock the door in his hurry to reach the toilet.

"Obi-Wan!"

There, in front of him, stood Bant, his childhood friend, and managed to look shocked, concerned and relieved all with one expression. However, the frozen stance did not last long and she was at his side in an instant.

"I've been very worried, I've looked for you anywhere! Have you been here all the time?" she asked in a rush, while her nimble fingers were already searching for hidden injuries or signs of a dangerous infection. As a healer she knew exactly what to look for.

"Stop it, Bant. I'm not hurt," Obi-Wan protested weakly and tried to shake off her hands.

"No, of course not," Bant answered testily. "I forgot you enjoy to sit in toilet cabins at the evening of your Padawan's Knighting Ceremony and puke the soul out of your body. And now hold still."

Obi-Wan continued to fight her but his movements grew heavy.

"Bant. It's true. I'm not hurt," he tried again, this time very softly. "Not physically, anyway."

Bant immediately stopped in her tracks and looked at him with even more concern in her big eyes. She crouched down and sat beside him, one hand moving to his back and rubbing circles on it.

Obi-Wan turned his head away from her, both deeply moved and annoyed by her concern for him. Whenever anyone did that to him, he felt as if he were a young Padawan again, not a seasoned Jedi Master. Even though Bant's touch indeed was soothing, he would have preferred to stay alone. He felt so exhausted and wretched, he would have liked to weep like a child. As if someone had decided to make his life even more miserable, nausea rose again inside him.

"Care to talk about it?" Bant asked softly, choosing this moment to interrupt their silence.

Obi-Wan shook his head gingerly, wishing that she would leave him alone in his misery. He tried in vain to gulp down the nausea and he felt gentle hands support him as he reached blindly for the toilet bowl. His stomach contracted painfully. Obi-Wan heaved again but there was nothing left to expel except for a small trickle of fluid. Again he gagged, this time entirely dry. Again and again… The dry heaves went on forever. They seemed to get worse instead of better and he was at the end of his strength. He realised that he was sobbing under the heaves and one hand clung tightly to Bant's tunic while the other gripped the basin.

"Shhh, it's alright," Bant soothed at his ear. "Just relax and breathe, it will get better soon. Try and relax." There was a short pause, then a sigh. "Oh Obi, you're a mess."

Finally, the spasmodic grip around his abdomen lessened. Entirely exhausted, Obi-Wan sank against Bant, still sobbing with the effort of sucking in the much needed oxygen. Bant's hands began to massage Obi-Wan's stomach very tenderly and the tight muscles relaxed under the warm touch.

"Thank you," Obi-Wan murmured sleepily. He still ached all over but Bant's magical hands chased away the most imminent pain and he was close to nodding off. He could not tell what was more soothing, Bant's hands or her very presence. Only now he realised how glad he was for her presence, even though he had wished her to the other end of the Galaxy only moments before. But it felt so good just to lie in the arms of someone who cared. It reminded him of his time with Qui-Gon…

"Hey, no sleeping here!" Bant admonished gently, affection showing all over her face.

Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open and he blinked a few times.

"Come on, Obi, I'll help you to your quarters," Bant said. She smoothly slid out from behind Obi-Wan and stood to her feet. The Jedi-Master followed her with his gaze but felt too lazy to move. Bant just shook her head, smiling, and helped him to his feet, bracing him when he got dizzy.

"Careful there, old man, you could hurt yourself," she teased.

"You can mock me all you want," Obi-Wan quipped slowly, his voice a bit slurred. "But as long as you haven't yet taken on a headstrong Padawan of your own, that will give you grey hairs before your time, I won't listen to you."

"Hair?" Bant laughed and shook her bald amphibian head. "And besides, you had this very same excuse for everything much too long, if you ask me. I wonder what you'll come up with when you fail with something, now that Anakin is a Knight."

Obi-Wan felt the tentative smile die upon his lips. Anakin. The Knighting Ceremony. It were not his favourite topics at the moment.

Bant froze in her movements and Obi-Wan saw her bite upon her lips.

"I'm sorry, Obi, I should first think about a thing before speaking it out aloud. Come, we leave for your quarters and then I want to hear the explanation for the poor shape you're in. You're trembling all over."

It was true, Obi-Wan realised, he was shaking badly. However, it could not surprise him anymore. He had a splitting head ache, he felt sick and dizzy, why should he not be trembling?

Bant laid a hand around his waist and slowly they made their way out of the toilet cabin. Obi-Wan was glad there were only few people on the corridors and they reached his quarters quickly. Bant guided him directly to the sofa and let him sit down carefully. As if in a blur there was a blanket draped over his shoulders and an empty bowl pressed into his hands.

"Just in case," Bant had said before she left again for the kitchen. Obi-Wan wanted to shout that he needed nothing to eat or to drink, thank you, but he felt simply too tired. He just sat there and stared into nothingness. The head ache would not leave him, nor would the disturbing pictures from his vision. Every now and then he saw blistering lava or debris in front of his eyes and even worse things… Obi-Wan shook his head to make himself stop thinking of it, but it only increased his head ache. Every now and then he thought he smelled burning flesh and his stomach twisted uncomfortably in response. He just could not make sense of it, never before had a vision been this real. He could not even reach out to the Force because it seemed to be blistering to his touch.

Bant came back and set down a tray with two mugs of tea. She took the empty basin from him and pressed the mug with the darker liquid into Obi-Wan's hand.

"Drink it," she ordered, already shaking her head before he had the chance to say anything. "And don't argue with me. I know you're still feeling sick, I can tell by the greenish colour of your face. But this will help settle down your stomach, I promise."

Obi-Wan glared at his friend but he knew when he was beaten. She would force him if he did not comply, he knew this by experience. Carefully putting the mug with the steaming liquid to his lips he grimaced already when he caught a whiff of the smell. Nevertheless, he took a tiny sip and his eye brows lifted in surprise.

"It isn't as bad as it smells, is it?" Bant asked, smiling. "By now I've realised that patients take their medicine much easier when I sweeten it with cari'jda juice. I couldn't take the complaints about the bitter taste anymore."

"Why haven't you thought of this before?" Obi-Wan asked between taking small sips of the tea. "All the times I've been nearly sick only because of your teas could have been spared."

Bant stayed calm, not so easily baited.

"Well, we could say, I've liked to torture you."

Obi-Wan stuck out his tongue.

"Sadistic little beast."

"Hmm, quite ungrateful, coming from the man I've saved from ending his days in a toilet cabin because he was too proud – or too stupid – to call for help."

Obi-Wan immediately sensed the change of topic and looked away from her.

"Obi, please, what's the matter with you? What are you hiding? You feel so different in the Force and it's not a common bout of sickness that is ailing you. I've seen you injured or sick so many times before but I've never seen you so disheartened and drained before. I've never seen you sob! Not even after Qui-Gon's death!"

Obi-Wan flinched as if she had slapped him.

"You wouldn't understand. I don't understand it myself."

Bant just looked at him, open-mouthed.

"Of course I don't understand! How could I, when you don't talk to me!"

Bant was now up on her feet, pacing, before she knelt down in front of her friend.

"Obi-Wan, we've been friends for so long, please talk to me. For once."

Obi-Wan lowered his head, ashamed. She was right, he had not often talked with his friends about his troubles with Anakin's apprenticeship or about all his other worries. Sometimes, in his earlier times as Qui-Gon's Padawan, his Master had forced him to open up and spill his thoughts and feelings, but he had always hated it, even though he had been grateful afterwards. After Qui-Gon's death he had had even more trouble to share his troubles with other people, even if they were close friends.

Sighing, he gazed again into Bant's beautiful, sea-like eyes.

"It was Anakin's Knighting Ceremony today, as you know. The troubles already started this night. I… I've had a dream, a very disturbing, very real dream."

"A vision?" Bant asked softly. Obi-Wan shrugged but there was a cold certainty in his eyes.

"Maybe. I don't know. In this dream, I've been Anakin. But not as he is now. There was so much hatred in him – well, in _me_ at this time -, so much darkness and distress, it clouded everything else. First, I didn't know who I was, but everything felt disturbingly familiar. Then I caught a glimpse of my arm while holding the lightsaber and it was prosthetic, just like Anakin's. And believe me, I know what my Padawan's arm looks like! In his body I battled someone. The surrounding was very unclear, everything steaming and fuming and I couldn't recognise my enemy. The other felt familiar, too, but I've never been able to catch the sight of his face. There was just this enormous hatred directed against the other person."

Obi-Wan halted and had to stop himself from burying his head in his hands.

"I never even knew that Anakin could actually feel such hate. Oddly enough, there was also a deep affection and tenderness in him, very controversial, because it seemed also to be linked to the other person. But it was all distorted and buried under this black cloud of darkness. Forgive my allegorical speaking, but it felt truly like a puff of black dirt thrown into my face."

Obi-Wan paused again and run a hand through his messed up hair. His voice sounded scratchy and he took another sip of the tea, collecting his memories before he continued.

"I've no idea what to make of this dream, except as to take it as a warning. I've always known that there's a reckless, sometimes violent side to Anakin. It came with his upbringing in slavery on Tatooine. But he's never felt so dark and so… wrong."

"How did the dream end?" Bant asked quietly.

"Anakin screamed _'I hate you!'_ in response to something the enemy had said to him, but I couldn't make out what it was that the other had shouted. Enormous pain, heat and the smell of blistering flesh in the air. Then I woke up."

Obi-Wan paused again, staring out of the window at the traffic. Bant took his hand into hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Most likely it was only a dream, conjured up through your anxiety because of the Knighting Ceremony. You've never given in to your fears, so don't start now with it."

Obi-Wan looked at her and his eyes were hauntingly empty.

"First, I told myself it was a dream. I banned it from my thoughts but it came back to me like a flash during the ceremony. I was sure there were blisters on my skin and the heat… And everything felt so wrong, Bant! The whole ceremony, even the Council Members felt wrong! As if the Force screamed at me to stop the proceedings, to turn back, and I was the only one to hear it. As if the Force were punishing me for going against its will…"

"Then why did you proceed? Why haven't you said anything?" Bant asked, exasperated and disturbed by what she heard.

Obi-Wan finally gave in to his needs and lowered his head into his hands. There was a long silence before he spoke again.

"I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. There was Anakin, my son and brother by all but blood. He looked so fragile and helpless in the Council Chamber, but also angry. He would have never forgiven me if I had let him down on the day of his Knighting Ceremony. And after all, there is also the possibility that exactly through the denying of his rightful title he would begin his path of becoming this… abomination that I dreamed of. Whatever the Force wanted to tell me, it is already too late to turn back now. And still… I feel as if I'm stuck in a swamp with both feet stuck firmly beneath the mud. Whenever I try to stretch out my arms to reach for branches I sink further without even touching anything. When I stay where I am, I sink anyway, only more slowly. Perhaps I should have paid better attention to the path before my feet _before _I got stuck in the swamp…"

"If you want to express your dilemma with such colourful pictures you can also accuse Qui-Gon of pushing you into the mess," Bant said matter-of-factly and tucked one of Obi-Wan's ginger strands behind his ear. Obi-Wan caught her hand and stopped it.

"No, please, let Qui-Gon out of this. I can understand him even better, the longer I work alongside Anakin. He is an amazing young man with many hidden talents. He _is _the Chosen One. It is me who has made all the mistakes. I shouldn't feel this helpless, I should know what to do but now I'm even more confused than ever before."

"Obi," Bant said, and there was a deep affection and concern in her voice. "I know you would like to have all the solutions to every problem in your life and everyone else's, but you are neither almighty nor omniscient. Some things just happen and you have to take them just the way they come and get along with it. We have to make decisions and you should know by now, that even Jedi make mistakes. But we still have to act, even if there is the chance to fail. It is sometimes better to make the wrong decision than not to take a decision at all. Besides, you need to work on your trust in other beings. You cannot steer the lives and choices of everyone that is close to you, at the end every one has to decide for himself."

Suddenly a mischievous glint appeared in Bant's eyes.

"Well, perhaps Anakin _will _be the death of us all and destroy the order but rather with one of his reckless stunts with a ship and his fancy driving skills than by malice. You should have given him proper flying lessons instead of worrying about his morale."

Obi-Wan smiled a bit.

"He's a good boy, Obi-Wan, you should truly have more faith in him and in your teaching skills. And even if everything else turns out bad, it isn't your fault. You cannot save everyone."

"I knew that already," Obi-Wan said quietly and heaved a sigh. "I don't like it, but I'll have to accept it. But just wait. One day, I'll turn over the Jedi Council and rule as an Emperor. And Emperor Kenobi will watch over all the political and private decisions of every single Jedi in the Temple."

Bant laughed out loud.

"Obi, you're a helpless control-freak!"

_tbc-_

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_Three chapters out of four posted, one more to go, and I am still curious about your opinion. _


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello to everyone!_

_Here comes the last chapter of the story, the conclusion._

_Thanks again for the amazing reviews and for your support, you truly made my day(s)… :-)_

_Athelassa_

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It was very late in the evening when Bant finally left the quarters of her friend. Obi-Wan had assured her over and over again that he felt fine and would not need her help anymore. It seemed that a bit of exasperated shouting, cursing and muttering had finally helped to convince Bant that her friend felt truly better.

Eventually alone, Obi-Wan had sat for some time on the sofa in the dark before he had gotten up. He had quickly taken a shower and dressed himself in some new clothes before he had left his quarters.

The turbo lift brought him to the higher levels of the Temple and he stepped out. It had always felt strange for Obi-Wan to walk on this level. Even though the surrounding was not much different than anywhere else in the immense building with its long corridors, these parts often seemed deserted and it was much more quiet than anywhere else. No wonder, for the inhabitants of this wing were most of the time scattered over the whole galaxy and when they were for once at the Temple, it was to rest, recover or work on reports. This was the Knight's Wing, for all of the younger, often newly minted Knights without a Padawan.

Close to getting wistful, Obi-Wan realised that he would never reside in this part of the Temple. With Anakin reaching Knighthood he was considered from now on a higher ranking Master and had the right for bigger quarters. He would probably stay in his old apartment if the Council did not decide otherwise.

Obi-Wan went down the corridor and halted in front of apartment 13 479. "Skywalker" was written on a new tag to the right of the door. He could make out some voices from the inside, but most of the visitors would have left by now. Obi-Wan knocked softly.

The door hissed open and Anakin stood in the door way, looking surprised when he saw Obi-Wan.

"Master! I mean… Obi-Wan. Where have you been? I came looking for you at your quarters when you didn't show up, but you weren't there. After your stunt this morning you had me really worried… But please, come in."

Obi-Wan chose not to comment on where he had been all the time but instead entered the new quarters. The other guests, most of them in Anakin's age, stood in the kitchen and waved at him. Obi-Wan nodded shortly in their direction before he turned again to his former student.

"Well, hello to you, too, Anakin."

The newly minted Knight sent him a forced smile, but there was an insecure uneasiness in his gaze.

"You know me, I've never been one for small talk."

Obi-Wan laughed softly but even to his ears it sounded strained. To keep his mind from worrying too much about the new awkwardness in their relationship he gazed at his surroundings. The quarters were much smaller than their shared apartment but it was already as messy as Anakin's old room. There lay boxes, empty bottles of muja juice and somewhere between mechanic tools and some old pairs of socks, nearly buried by Anakin's discarded cloak, stuck out the handle of his former Padawan's lightsaber.

Obi-Wan involuntarily had to smile. It was so typical. Anakin followed his old Master's gaze and grinned sheepishly.

"I promise to tidy up later, Master," Anakin teased lightly and Obi-Wan chuckled heartily, this time with all sincerity.

"I trust you're feeling better, Obi-Wan?" ¨

The Jedi Master nodded. "Yes, thank you. Bant has looked after me, as usual."

Anakin smiled fondly.

"It's good to hear that some things never change. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."

The Jedi Master snorted and waved the comment away. He was by all means very relieved that Anakin had not been present to his more disgusting troubles in the afternoon.

"You still look pale and tired."

Obi-Wan shrugged the concern away.

"I will recover."

There was a short silence in which both of them seemed to struggle for safe ground to discuss before Anakin decided to approach the tender topic head on.

"It feels strange, doesn't it? To live without this bond. I've grown so used to have your presence always in my mind, it's really weird to be totally on my own."

"Please, Anakin, let's talk about something else. At least tonight," Obi-Wan requested softly. He could tell by the look on Anakin's face that his former student felt rejected. Again. Obi-Wan wanted nothing so bad as to see Anakin happy on this evening, but he just could not bring himself to talk about anything even suggesting a Master-Padawan bond anymore.

Again there was a strained silence and Obi-Wan already regretted his decision to see his former student this evening. He should leave and let Anakin have fun with his friends. He had often enough played the part of a spoil sport, in Anakin's point of view. However, his former Padawan seemed determined to keep Obi-Wan a bit longer.

"The Council has already given me a first mission," Anakin began, knowing exactly that he was finally entering safe ground with this kind of discussion. That was what Obi-Wan truly seemed interested in. "A small intelligence, sent by the Chancellor himself, has reported that Dooku and the Separatists have their main accounts on planet Lunaret, known also as the "bank-planet". They draw most of their financial resources from these accounts. The government of Lunaret, however, is strictly against the Separatists movement and a highly respected member of the Republic. It seems, as if there had been used violence in order to force the Lunaretese to cooperation. The Council chose me to investigate."

Obi-Wan felt both sadness and immense pride at the same time. Sad, because he would have to let Anakin go without him, and proud, because it showed the great deal of faith the Council had in his former student to give him such an important mission.

"I'm very proud, Anakin. I'm sure you will do well, as you always do."

Anakin actually had the grace to blush.

"Thank you, Master."

The slip with the title went unnoticed by Anakin but it cut in Obi-Wan's heart.

"However," Anakin continued and he fixed the Jedi Master with a determined stare, "I requested that my next mission, after this one, will be a mission that is based on team work. I asked for you as a partner."

Obi-Wan just gaped at his former Padawan, dumbstruck. Of all the things he had expected to hear from Anakin this evening, this possibility had never crossed his mind.

Anakin fidgeted uncomfortably, unnerved by the silence of his former Master.

"Well, I mean, we've always been a good team, there's no need to stop that only because…"

"You don't have to do this for me, Anakin, I'll manage well on my own. You should enjoy your long-expected freedom, now that you finally have it."

This time Anakin looked horrified.

"No! You don't understand! I won't do that out of charity or anything in this direction. It is just that we make the perfect team, I think. You've always been the better planner while I've been better at improvising. You're a really amazing negotiator while I've always been better in the rescue missions… I think we make a good team."

And Anakin truly meant it, Obi-Wan realised. A warmth he had missed the whole day finally surged through him. Perhaps his teachings had not been that bad after all and perhaps Anakin had heeded them more than he had originally thought.

Obi-Wan sent him a full-fledged grin that made his next words irrelevant.

"I'll think about it."

Anakin laughed and boxed Obi-Wan in the arm.

"You're unbelievable! Can't you just say "Yes" without mulling over everything a dozen times? We've fought beside each other for twelve years, it isn't as if you had to test a total stranger of his abilities!" Anakin exclaimed, exasperated.

"It isn't that, my former very young Padawan. I am only calculating if the dizzy spells and bouts of nausea that ail me during your flight manoeuvres truly outweigh the misery of ending my days lonesome in the Temple."

Anakin groaned good-naturedly.

"."."."."."."

When Obi-Wan wearily entered the turbo lift again to get down to his own quarters, he had a smile on his face. The pains and worries of the day were nearly forgotten, only a small, hidden part of his brain still noticed the lingering effects and doubts that had been raised by the day's events. The other part felt truly content, for the first time since months, when not years.

Why had he felt this anxious before? Why had he doubted the boy he loved so much?

Obi-Wan just shook his head, still smiling faintly. Everything would turn out fine, he was sure of it.

 Z Ändi  THE END  Z Ändi 


End file.
